LOL - The University Startup

I've noticed a pattern in job postings from mid-tier, tuition-dependent private universities, the ones under increasing enrollment pressure and reeling from massive budget deficits, trying to staff "growth" divisions in floundering efforts to chase alternative revenue. The language in these job posts read like they were written by someone who watched one season of Shark Tank and asked Chat GPT to come up with something provocative. 

Candidates are told the roles demand physical presence because the problem solving and innovation that defines startup culture apparently only happens when you bump into a co-worker in the bathroom. Oh, and be ready to work evenings and weekends, because that's what real startups do. (NOTE: I worked for two successful entrepreneurial ventures and this is not what real startups do.) The postings all close with a hollow flourish about desiring people who want something more than just a job because what's happening at University X in a cobbled together back-office of uninspiring consultants and visionless robotic staff is different and special, as if working for a paycheck and stability is something only underwhelming employees seek.

I just have to shrug and laugh, because this is higher ed sadly but comically doing the corporate cosplay thing again. Those of us of a certain age likely remember the U.S. Navy's old and legendarily bad recruiting advertisement insisting that life on a ship is “not just a job, it's an adventure.” For universities trying this gaudy messaging to staff their ill-conceived back-offices, the efforts come off as desperate to a labor market that no longer assumes university jobs are stable.

Universities are, structurally and culturally, among the least startup-like organizations on the planet. Even ASU, the school that has done more than any university to brand itself as a disruptive, edutainment-forward, innovation-first university, runs its operations through the same calendars, traditions, bureaucracies, and governance structures as every other university. The "innovation" NEVER touches how the institution treats the people who staff it. Never. And this is the real embarrassment in the comical job postings. Strip away the "mission" and "we're doing something special and different" bullsh*t and you're left with a hiring advertisement that says you can't work remotely but you will work beyond standard business hours without compensation. When I look at this insulting messaging in the context of higher ed today, I see it as a small part of the flailing efforts of financially stretched institutions asking new hires to absorb flexibility, hours and work that a real business would appropriately budget, plan for and staff properly. Dressing up an under-resourced and dysfunctional operating model as a cultural virtue is just unctuous and dishonest, which are sadly increasingly acceptable characteristics at so many mid-tier privates.